Growing Up Mormon - The Mormon Uniform

Mormon missionaries wear white shirts, dark ties, a nametag, and a bicycle helmet.  That's their uniform.  When I turned twelve I received the Aaronic Priesthood and was then worthy to pass the sacrament, water and bread, to the congregation.  From that point on I had no choice about what to wear to church: white shirt, dark tie, dress shoes.

What happened the day I decided to wear something different?  After I broke my hand in wrestling I had this nasty cast plus a frame and pin set up.  I couldn't get anything over my arm, so instead of the uniform, I wore a t-shirt, stretched to fit over my hand and a track jacket over that.  My dad went to church early and we followed later, so my outfit wasn't 'approved' by him although my mother commiserated with me on the difficulty of donning the normal uniform. 

First, an older boy, a priest - I think he was 17 - told me I couldn't pass the sacrament dressed like that.  Fine, I thought, no biggie I'll just sit with my family.  But that was just the beginning of the shitstorm.  The Aaronic Priesthood counselor found out and told the Elder's Quorum President who told the first counselor to the Bishop who then told the Bishop and he came to talk to me. 

"You'll have to go home and change."

"Why?  Don't you know about my wrist?"

"We have standards that must be adhered to and any wild clothing choices are a distraction from the spirit."

Then my father came marching into the foyer.  He'd obviously been told.  His lips were stretched so tight across his mouth that they disappeared.  He focused on me to the exclusion of all else. 

"I've got this handled, Bishop," he said.  Then he grabbed my by my hair and marched me out of the building and into the work van he'd driven to church.  He didn't speak to me because his embarrassment was too great for words.

At home I was having trouble with the door because of awkwardness with the injury, equipment, cast.  He pushed through me, opened the door and went ahead where he grabbed one of my white shirts.  It tore over my metal frame and it hurt like hell.  I don't think I cried, but I know I wanted to . . .

He handed me some safety pins to close the rips and I grabbed a tie and headed to the door.  I remember being surprised that he'd kick me right through the front door as I opened it, but I guess he really felt the embarrassment strongly and the spirit demanded that I pay retribution for mocking his presence in church.

To this day Mormon men wear nothing but white shirts, dark ties, and slacks.  Because conformity above all else is holy - just look at the words of Jesus . . . wait, uh maybe someone else was a better example of conformist.  I'll get back to you on that.

- rick, owner of no white shirts.

Comments

[Cherise]

Jaysus. What a fuckwit your dad was/is. Are clothes that fricken important, hasn't anyone ever heard the phrase "don't sweat the small stuff?" It makes me sad to think of you getting treated that way. :(

[Success Warrior]

And if you show up without a tie, the bishop has all these gawd-awful spare ties from the 60's in his office that you can borrow.

[a rose is a rose]

i wear a tie now and again. i have one made out of film. what's on the film you ax? ELVIS (or, as they say down south , ev-el-es). rick. it's a DARK tie. would you like me to send it to you (i'm quite willing) just in case?

and i'm with cherise, i'm so very sorry that happened to you. not one man EVER (in church) wore anything but a white shirt, eh?

[Mabel]

Good God! What a horrible story. I'm literally speechless with disgust and rage. The whole white shirt, conservative tie, dark suit business is such a load of tripe it boggles the mind. As if Jesus or God give a shit what we wear.

I remember, back in the day when I served as a temple ordinance worker, seeing a sister who had come for her endowment waiting near the clothing counter. She was wearing a t-shirt, petal pushers, and dirty keds. I'm ashamed to admit that my lack-of-poker face probably betrayed my momentary horror that she would show up in the House of the Lord so inappropriately dressed. Then I was struck by a blinding moment of humility and repentance as I realized that those of us who supposed there is/should be a standard of dress for the temple were the sinners. The Lord didn't care what she was wearing, only that she was there. I felt sad that she was being judged and she looked uncomfortable, which only confirmed for me that she was probably sensing the misguided values and judgments of those of us around her. I'd be surprised if she ever came back to the temple after that. While I'm no longer a participant in all of those things, I respect what the temple means in the lives of devout people (just as I respect what the Vatican or Mecca or the Wailing Wall or the Ganges mean in the lives of similarly religious people) and I hope she wasn't turned off by those of us who judged her or that her spirituality/relationship to God weren't adversely affected.

As for the members of your ward and your father, I probably shouldn't say this, but I hope there's a special little weeny roast for them in the multi-level marketing scheme of Mormon heaven. Fuckers.

[a rose is a rose]

i think i like mabel

[Sideon]

Mabel/Pomp rocks.

Rick - I don't know how you didn't strangle your father. If my father had acted like that, I would have spiked his jack-Mormon beer with rat poison.

I'm SO glad I was kicked out of church (11-12?) before I ever got the Moronic priesthood.

[Cele]

The big peer pressure fuck. shit.

[Frank Davis]

This is such a Bullshit story. They don't kick you out for not wearing a white shirt and tie. It's obvious you are ignorant, because your statement of the church hierarchy is jumbled. Go mto any church in Utah - you'll see colored shirts. Stop spreading falsehoods.

[CV Rick]

My blog contains stories that are true . . . and I know they are true, because I lived them. You didn't live them. You don't even seem smart enough to have your own stories, Frank. It's obvious that you think that what happened to me happens to all Mormon kids. I'm sorry that your church isn't as conformist and cookie-cutter as you'd like it to be.

Go start your own blog and write down things that happened to you as a child . . . I'm sure that all kinds of people would be interested in that, Frank.

LOL .. . not.