Thoughts About People

We think differently, those of us on the left versus those of them on the right.

For example, I spent some time this week, while working, watching people.  I noticed:

A frail lady with a cane making her way down the sidewalk and across the street and I thought that she was lucky to have lived a long life, lucky to be out on such a pleasant day, and lucky to be able to choose to go places under her own power.

I didn’t question her right to block traffic as she slowly crossed the road. I didn’t accuse her of taking money from my pocket for her social security or her medicare. I didn’t wish her into a home away from the rest of us.

A tattooed young man in a ripped up leather jacket juggling and cracking jokes for passers-by, his hat upside down and partially filled with money. I was glad to live in a city where men like him weren’t marched away by cops for trespassing, disturbing the peace, or violating some other standard of dress and decency. I was glad that he could choose to do something entertaining and make enough money to go another day or two or three.

I didn’t judge him to need a regular job. I didn’t accuse him of being worthless and I wasn’t scared of him for being different than me or different than the ‘norm.’ I didn’t blame him for the decline of discipline or the lack of law enforcement.

A group of friends laughing and enjoying the beautiful midday sun while biking on a hodgepodge of castaway bicycles made from various parts. I thought it great to see people enjoying themselves without having to maintain a consumerist image of manufactured perfection. So what if their welds weren’t perfect or if the paint was uneven, or if the spokes were mismatched? So what if they didn’t sport brand name clothing or equipment, they were having fun and enjoying the day.

I didn’t wonder why they weren’t at work. I didn’t judge them to be dregs of society, living on the dole or soaking up their parents misplaced generosity. I wasn’t even jealous of them for being able to spend their time as they’d like. I wasn’t suspicious that they might be laughing at my expense. I wasn’t concerned that they may or may not support the war or my political ideals.

Live and let live . . .

I wish the righties felt the same way.

Comments

[a rose is a rose]

cool point o' view rick!

[Cele]

Not just an excellent view point, but great insights.

[right-handed]

Must be hard to enjoy things when you're so busy judging people who disagree with you...

[CV Rick]

A typical right-wing cowardly comment bomb . . . a confident person would leave a valid email.

[Sideon]

Right-wing bark - no bite.

[right-handed]

I don't give my email address when I don't need to--do you need to write me?

All of this us vs. them, black and white thinking, with your own viewpoint, of course, being vastly superior to others...I'm glad most "lefties" DON'T actually think like you.

[CV Rick]

I'm glad that judgemental rightie freaks come visit me on my blog. Got anything pertinent to the post or on topic to say?

[Mason is Free]

Isn't it great to be magnanimous? It's one of the key things that drove me from TSCC. A lot of negativity will get you no where. A little positivity will do a lot for a lot of people. =]

[wry catcher]

Thoughts About People

We think differently, those of us on the left versus those of them on the right.

For example, I spent some time this week watching people. I noticed:

A quite heavyset lady in a motorized wheelchair making her way down the sidewalk and across the street, and I thought she was lucky to have mobility and get out in the sunshine, lucky that whatever caused her to be wheelchair bound wasn't apparently causing paralysis. I hoped she wasn't in pain.

I didn’t question her right to be in her motorised wheelchair as she crossed the road. I didn’t accuse her of being lazy and lacking character. I didn't wish her to stay inside where the rest of us wouldn't have to look at her. I didn't have suspicions about whether tax dollars were supporting her or had paid for her chair.

An obese young man in an oversized, stretched-out shirt and holey track pants, with his head down, with a sign in front of him asking for money for food, and a cup partially filled with money. I was glad to live in a city where men like him weren’t marched away by cops for trespassing, spat upon or mocked for the nerve of panhandling for food money when he clearly already had more than enough, or for violating some other standard of dress and decency. I was glad that he could appeal to the kindness of strangers and still make enough money to go another day or two or three.

I didn’t judge him to need a regular job. I didn’t accuse him of being worthless and I wasn’t scared of him for being different than me or different than the ‘norm.’ I didn't accuse him of being lazy and worthless and lacking in any personal character for becoming so fat.

A group of fat girlfriends laughing and enjoying the beautiful midday sun while biking on a hodgepodge of castaway bicycles made from various parts. I thought it was great to see people enjoying themselves without having to maintain a consumerist image of manufactured perfection, or to worry about how fat their asses looked on the funky bikes. So what if their spandex bike pants were tight around their huge thighs? So what if they didn’t sport brand name clothing or equipment that doesn't come in their size, they were having fun and enjoying the day.

I didn’t wonder why they were so fat, or speculate about their laziness and lack of responsibility. I didn’t judge them to be dregs of society, I wasn’t even repulsed by them for being so heavy, yet still out enjoying themselves. I wasn’t suspicious that they might not be worried about how they looked or how big they were. I didn't assume that they ate McDonalds or donuts every day.

Live and let live . . .

I wish the righties felt the same way.

[CV Rick]

Wry, I know you think that you're clever with your not-so-subtle changes to my original post . . . but you missed the whole point of everything I've been trying to tell you. You simply missed it. I understand completely the point you're trying to make - and that is that it's wrong to criticize people because of their weight because many of them simply can't help the way they are. See, I understand what you're trying to say . . . I simply and completely disagree with you.

The point I was making in this post was that when the choices that people make in their lives are different from the choices that people on the right think is acceptable, then people on the right get annoyed and angry.

And, the point I've been trying to make to you the past day about obesity is that this is a choice that people make as well. If I meet a fat man or a fat woman who is happy being fat - is so comfortable with their self-image as to stand up for it and admit that this is the life and body that they want to have . . . then so be it. But I am not going to have a single bit of tolerance for anyone who says, "It's out of my control." Bullshit.

Be happy with who you are and that's one thing . . . but anyone who complains because they've eaten themselves to a point where they can't fit through their front door is a fucking idiot. (I submit my uncle, for whom that actually happened.) Be happy with who you are and if you can't walk down the hallway because you're too fat bring your own wheelchair and don't break the one that the casino keeps in case of real emergencies. Be happy with who you are and embrace your eating habits, but don't complain when the airline has to charge you for two seats because you took two seats when you traveled. You have to take responsibility for your choices in this life.

I'm very accepting of anyone who makes a choice and lives that choice - for an hour, a day, or a lifetime. Be fat and be happy with it . . . but if you aren't happy with it, then don't be fat. It's that fucking simple. It's that fucking simple.

[SML]

"fucking simple" is right.

[belaja]

Rick, I won't speak directly for Wry, but from where I'm standing she wasn't trying to be "clever." She was trying to make her point in way that she thought perhaps you could understand. I think you're the one who's been missing the point for the last day and half or so. I don't think anyone has said "it's out of my control" or "I bear no personal responsibility here. " But you and SW have done a number of things that I and several others found objectionable and it has essentially no bearing on not wanting people to be responsible for themselves First of all, and most objectionable, I think, is the very nasty, mean-spirited, and judgemental invective you've used. Part of Wry's point, I think, is that the kind of judgemental nastiness that you have decried in the "righties" is very much on display in the language and attitudes you have displayed toward the overweight. You have brushed millions of people (fully half the adult population by some estimates) with the broad brush of "fast-food eating morons," "fucking idiots," and "fat fucking pigs." I don't care what personal prejudices you carry or what they might arise out of, it's just not OK. You're talking about human beings. Besides which, you're saying they all got that way by a simple mathematical equation of eating like pigs and that all they have to do is stop eating like pigs and if they don't they are irresponsible, lazy morons and idiots? Come on.

Besides being an incredibly sweeping generalization it flies completely in the face of what is known and has been known for a long time, through some solid research about nutrition, metabolic setpoint, the effects of dieting on eating patterns, sedentary lifestyles, changes in the nature of the food supply that tend to make people fatter, societal attitudes that trigger eating disorders and "disordered eating behaviors" which have a direct impact on people's tendency to put on weight and their ability to take it off again--things in other words that fuck with their metabolism so that the body actually fights the attempt to lose weight. Also, hormonal effects on weight loss and weight gain--both sex hormones (present in the food supply--and which also fuck up the metabolism) and their fluctuating levels and stress hormones which slow metabolism because the body reads stress on a biological level as a threat to survival. It therefore slows metabolism and clings to fat stores in anticipation of a period of starvation. There is also solid research done on the psychological and emotional aspects of eating, weight gain, and weight loss. I can't even begin to touch on all the facets of the interplay of body, mind, and emotion--interactions which happen on a very primal level and which were probably once evolutionarily adaptive for survival but no longer are in the modern (developed) world with its surfeit of foodstuffs, highly processed food supply and stressors which our ancient ancestors could never have imagined. Not to mention the stressors of body image pressure in a very, very sick, body-hating culture which is particularly hard on women and girls. It is a very intricate, layered, complex picture that is not linear in any way shape or form.

Science has only begun to scratch the surface of understanding the subtleties of how the body functions and any responsible scientist or doctor will admit that. Nutrition and metabolic functions (which are what is at stake here) are particularly poorly understood--relatively speaking. The purpose of all kinds of chemicals, nutrients, substances, etc., are only now being understood, much less how they interact with each other and what their effects are systemically. This is not even to touch on how outside chemical environmental stressors can affect metabolism and weight. If scientists in these areas admit that their knowledge is still spotty (particularly in the case of understanding women's bodies and health) then I'm not sure where you get off saying you know exactly what the issue is for the vast, vast majority of the millions of people in question and not only that but that the whole thing is "fucking simple." The research is there, it's solid, it's evolving into a more complex picture all the time and it puts the lie to your assertions--which are moralistic, outdated and long since disproved empirically, despite their being a good excuse for the uninformed to cling to their one-dimensional prejudices.

Obviously not ALL of this is going to be in play in any one individual and, yes, eating better (not necessarily LESS in terms of volume) and moving more, at a boiler plate level is a very important and in fact, critical aspect of becoming healthy, which may include losing weight for many, if not most, people. I'm not going to (and in fact, I don't think anyone HAS) argued that it isn't critical. You do have to do that. And yes, everyone has to take responsibility for their own lives. If you are a person who simply let go a bit and ate too much and you can work out, eat a bit less and take off the weight, then yippee for you. You're fucking lucky. But if you are that person and you've gained weight, don't be surprised that it's very easy to put it back on or perhaps becomes more and more difficult to keep it off. Or that you may suddenly have age related metabolic slowdown and build up of acidic toxins (that come through a typical diet and environmental exposures) that are stored in fat by the body over time to protect vital organ functions and tissues. Don't be surprised if one day you suddenly are one of those lazy, irresponsible, "fat fucking pigs" who can't seem to lose weight or keep it off despite your best, linear, simplistic--and now suddenly ineffective--efforts. I hope you run into people who are kinder to you than you have been on the internets in the last day or so. Not everyone has it so "simple"--particularly many, many women who on top of many of the variables I've listed. (Yes, sexism and patriarchy also enter into the [non-linear] equation.)

And meantime, if you haven't done your homework on this issue, then no matter how hostile you are, no matter how in-your-face, no matter how cock-sure, high-and-mighty or judgemental, no matter how much you refuse to listen to or try to understand what anyone else has to say--no matter how resistant you are to the idea that someone might know something that you don't--your opinion is no more than blather. You're certainly welcome to hold that opinion, but frankly, it's just blather. Neither I, nor anyone else, has to give any sort of credence to it just because you hold what you see as (as SW so memorably put it) "a different view." That's just the new boss, same as the old boss. The view you so angrily espouse is not particularly clever, insightful, or unique. It's long outdated, discredited (as being the total solution), one-dimensional and utterly inadequate to explain the situation or offer useful, lasting solutions.

On top of which it is delivered with such smothering contempt, hostility, cruelty, and mean-spirited judgment that anything true and/or useful (hee) in your assertions is almost completely obscured by the scorched-earth way you deliver them. Honestly, I'm at a bit of a loss to understand the really toxic, freefloating anger you bring to this whole topic. Why don't you take some responsibility for the really unjustified cruelty and contempt you've spewed here--something that has been quite painful for more than one person that I know to endure.

If you want to construe this as yet another attempt to absolve heavy people of any personal responsibility then I won't be too surprised. But just to make it clear to anybody else reading, it is most definitely NOT. It is an attempt to communicate the complexities of the situation which are demonstrably real and very full of proof. A person must take responsibility for dealing with any situation in their lives--but hurtful invective and rank oversimplification is simply a recipe for ultimate failure and frustration. You have to educate yourself, understand to the best of your ability what is at play in your situation, get the best information, work for insights and craft your responses appropriately on however many fronts the situation requires--nutritional, chemical, sociological, psychological, emotional, hormonal, etc., etc. etc.. (It's also helpful to have some compassion for yourself and (hopefully) compassion and attempts to understand from others--including society in terms of its attitudes.) Otherwise you're just in denial. It's a lot easier and a lot less work to scream "just stop eating you fucking moron!" (either at someone else or at yourself inside your head). But for my money it's kind of a lazy, irresponsible, and somewhat cowardly response. And in the vast majority of cases it won't work anyway.

Both Wry and SML have expressed some disappointment at the behavior you've displayed around this issue and while it's clear you don't give a shit and it's probably pointless to do so, I'll just add that I have had somewhat the same reaction. I had read you as someone with a mature and complex view of the human condition and with some compassion for the same. It's disappointing in particular to me to find that I was apparently wrong about that to some extent, because it's an indispensable quality in a writer and there's no question you are, on a number of other levels, a very fine writer. I was quite excited to find your work. But your stubborn refusal to examine your own prejudices, admit you might be lacking knowledge and information of any kind, or give any credence at all to the experience of others (who had actually experienced themselves what you were pontificating about) or try in any way to understand or get inside that experience--well, I can't see how that will be anything but limiting to you as a writer.

So, I guess, you're perfectly welcome to stubbornly barricade yourself into your own private Idaho of the mind. I've had my say (and then some, I guess). I really don't want to put any more energy out on it. It's pointless and annoying--no doubt even more so for you than for me. Ah, well, I guess we all have our little bigotries.

[CV Rick]

You wrote a book on my blog and that's fine if you want.

But you people - you, wry, and lisa, have to stop talking past me and actually read what I've written. christ, I've not disputed anything in any research whatsoever . . . it's just plain arrogant to think I have.

despite what you want to believe about me, I do understand obesity, I really do . .. but the fact of the matter is that when it comes right down to it, everyone has to make choices every single day. I choose not to be fat and the sacrifices I make to that choice are monumental.

You can write down the text of every scientific study ever done on the subject and it doesn't change that single difficult truism. It's fucking hard to lose weight and it's fucking hard to keep it off, but in the end it's an individual choice and blaming everyone and everything on this planet doesn't change that.

If you hate me for saying that, fine. You, Wry and Lisa can all hate me for it and you can have nothing to do with me ever again . . . that's also an individual choice.

regards,
CV Rick

[wry catcher]

Actually, belaja is completely right (and what a great comment that was!! I want to copy and paste some of what you wrote, belaja - it is very good). I wasn't trying to be cute or clever, and certainly not subtle ;-). I was trying to understand how you can seem so open and kind in some ways, and yet say really harsh things about other people - it just seems like a big disconnect. I believe we are possibly talking past each other, as I'm not against the notion that losing weight is a major challenge that one has to take on every day for the rest of one's life. I don't dispute that at all. My take all along has been that, it is not at all helpful or kind or accepting of difference to condemn fat people as having failed morally, or for being 'pigs' or whatever other names you want to put on them.

You say, "I choose not to be fat and the sacrifices I make to that choice are monumental." I get that. Good for you. Good for your Half the Woman friend too - I really do think it's great. Where you lose me is when you start judging harshly people you believe have not made a similar choice as you, based on how they look to you or what they are eating when you see them, and are therefore obvious moral failures who are weak, lazy and eat too much.

FWIW, I'm not hating on anyone (except myself, but that's the norm); I got angry, I said what I had to say, and I attempted to reach out and build bridges of understanding. Not sure we got there, and that's okay too. Both our lives will tick on just fine, presumably...

[belaja]

Sigh. I never said it isn't a personal responsibility. In fact, I've gone out of my way to repeatedly say I agree with that. The mere fact of trying to point out the complexity of the situation as opposed to your moralistic oversimplifications and unjustified judgements of a whole class of people does not equate to "blaming" anybody or anything--much less "everyone and everything on the planet." Nor have I said or expressed in any way that I "hate" you though I admit I have been pretty strident in expressing how I feel about the behavior you've displayed. I see no objective reason to hate you and even I did, you are not so central to my life for me to put out the kind of energy necessary to work up to "hate." Really, you just don't loom that large.

As for your not so subtle invitation to get the hell out, well, not to worry. I was on my way to the final walk out the door when I read your post.