Growing Up Mormon - Sunday School Retard - Part One

For the entire story, click the Bankrobber topic at the end of this post, in the sidebar to your right, or just click here.

Robert was retarded.  I know I'm supposed to say he was mentally challenged or that he was special, but I'm not very P.C. and the fact of the matter was that he was retarded.  He was mentally and emotionally developed to the level of a three or four year old with a speech impediment, yet this underdeveloped brain was trapped in the body of an 18 year old man. I say man because he was big, over six feet tall, strong like an athlete: rock hard, no body fat. 

Traffic was his enemy.  During the week he'd stand on the sidewalk and yell at passing cars, pretending to talk into a microphone at his shoulder.  “Breaker One-Nine,” he'd say over and over again.  It was all he could remember from television.  When someone walked by he'd cite them for offenses imagined by pretending to write on a ticket book and then slamming his hand into their shoulder as if to pin it on them.  He'd exclaim, “Ticket,” and send you on your way.

On Sundays he was in church.  Sacrament meetings with his Mother and Father, Brother and Sister Green, but Sunday School with us in the 15 to 16 year-old class.  It was a class of eight kids, four boys and four girls. 

We didn't want him there.  To be a teenager was to be cruel, but not wanting Robert to be in our class wasn't a matter of cruelty, it was fear.  We were afraid of a man-sized boy who had no capacity to control his temper.  We were afraid of his fists and his outbursts. 

I complained.  Being new in the Ward (congregation), I hadn't grown up with Robert.  I hadn't known him when he wasn't huge, when he was funny instead of ominous. 

The Sunday School Teacher, Brother Stewart, said, “Robert's a special child of our Heavenly Father and he needs to be in a group that he feels comfortable with.  He's been with these kids since they were Sunbeams.” Sunbeams are the youngest (ages 3-4) kids in the Primary and Primary is young kid's version of Sunday School.

“I don't think it's a good idea,” I replied.

One Sunday Blaine and Shane, who were twin brothers, were cutting up in class.  They were chasing each other around over a love note Blaine had swiped from inside Shane's scriptures.  The note was written to Lisa Cole.   We had two Lisa's in our class, Lisa Cole and Lisa R, Big R's daughter (you'll remember her from My Boy Scout Summer).  Lisa Cole was quite a red-headed beauty. He had intended to slip it to her anonymously, but Blaine was shouting out that he had her note and he was trying to read it. Chaos naturally ensued and Lisa pretended not to notice that all the commotion was about her.  She was good at that since every boy I knew had a crush on her, she knew it and kept them at a distance with her aloof “I'm too hot for you” persona.

As they raced about they tipped over chairs and leaped tables.  Brother Stewart walked in and shouted at them to calm down.  Robert must have taken that for a sign to act as room bouncer. 

With startling speed he leaped up from his chair and grabbed Blaine's throat in mid-jump.  For a second Blaine was suspended at the end of that rock-solid arm and then Robert threw him at the wall.  Blaine hit with an alarming thud and crumpled to the floor, unmoving.  Robert pointed at Shane and said, “Freeze!”  Shane froze.  Robert must have picked that trick up from the same show he learned about Breaker One-Nine from.

Blaine hitting the wall had shaken the building.  The door flew open and a couple of men ran in.  The scene, one boy splayed at an odd angle on the floor, unconscious, and another boy stock still with Robert pointing at him threateningly, was self-explanatory.  The first man was the priesthood  Elder's Quorum President and a fairly stout farmer to boot, tried to grab Robert to escort him out.  Robert went crazy then and slapped back, instantly raising red welts on the man's face and neck.  More men came in and Robert got more frantic.    Tables toppled as they wrestled him to the ground and finally got him out of there.

Other adults came and brought Blaine to, then took him to the Emergency Room.  He was alright except for a sprained wrist, a concussion and a bruised neck.

Robert wasn't back at church for a month.  Unfortunately he did eventually return.

- rick, politically incorrect

(Next Thursday I'll post the conclusion of this story)

Comments

[a rose is a rose]

uh oh - if this isn't the ending. i'm not sure it's going to be happy.....although i really SHOULD stop trying to guess the outcomes of your life stories. i am rarely if ever right

i sure am glad our paths have crossed though. i can say that confidently

[Sister Mary Lisa]

Wow, interesting.

[Success Warrior]

Robert used to line up all the boys in the foyer, military style, and he would rip imaginary stripes off our sleeves.

I never told you about the time that Robert got mad at me for something and was going to do something similar to me as he did to Blaine. He threw me to the ground but I scrambled away and up over a fence. I got lucky because he was in one of his rages.

I dated Lisa when we came back from Phoenix. You're right, she was very pretty and aloof.

[Cele]

I have to say I feel sorry for Robert. If I had known him I would probably have feared him.

[CV Rick]

Oh yeah, you're right. I forgot about the imaginary mass court martials. I'm going to have to include that in the rewrite. Thanks.

[Sideon]

How... did you guys survive childhood, let alone Mormonism?

[Jonathan Blake]

I've had the same general topic rattling around in my head for a little while. The Mormon ideas regarding mentally retarded people are a mixed blessing. They encourage compassion and love but suppress good, common sense.

[Sideon]

I have never seen "good, common sense" and "Mormonism"/"Mormon" in the same sentence, let alone the same context, before.

[CV Rick]

Sideon, I don't actually konw how I survived. There were plenty of opportunities to end this gene line along the way . . . but now I have a teenage son and they'll have to get both of us to end it.

[The Angry Young Man]

Oh, this is the story where Robert comes back and because he has lots of money, he's elected bishop! Right? Right?

Not fair I have to wait a week for the conclusion, mang!