My Boy Scout Summer - Wolverine Trail

What a summer it was for everyone.  I don't know how I got through it, to tell the truth.  But things were winding down and we only had one big adventure left.  That adventure was truly one to look forward to, because in Boy Scouts the really big exciting trips are called High Adventures.  I'd been on a couple High Adventures to the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota and another one to the Daniel Boone Wilderness in Kentucky, but this year's High Adventure was a week-long hiking trip through the Sawtooth Mountains of Idaho.  In particular, the trail we were going to take was called Wolverine Trail.  It was filled with dangerous switchback paths, precarious drop-offs, spectacular views and a good chance to see wildlife close up. 

Wolverines themselves are rare in the U.S. Rockies, but they do exist and when one encounters them, there isn't any way to be sure of its mood.  Sometimes they'll attack even humans for no apparent reason other than proximity.  So, wolverines aren't to be trifled with, and the Wolverine Trail was a place where some were sighted every couple years.  I couldn't wait.

Preparation had begun several months in advance with the purchase or borrowing of backpacks, gathering food, fund-raising, begging supplies, etc.  We didn't have much money, and my father was only supportive of my activities with his mouth, so it was all up to me.  There was no way I was missing it, however.  I worked extra hours at the Car Wash (a whole other story) and delivered televisions for cash.  I even hand-washed and waxed a custom Semi-Tractor in exchange for a used tent a church member who also happened to be an independent trucker owned. 

Then, a week before the trip we got the best news of all.  Big R wasn't going to go!  Not that we hated him or anything (although I did kind of fear for my life because of how the summer had gone so far).  It was some kind of family emergency, so instead one of the other scout's father was going to be the only adult leader.  Only one adult leader for eight boys, things really couldn't get much better if you asked me. 

However, I wasn't going to get out of town that simply. 

Two days before the trip, when I was in my yard sealing up the tent seams with adhesive and weatherproofing everything, I had a visitor.  I crawled out of the tent and there was Lisa, sitting in the yard watching me, her eyes red and puffy and she'd obviously been crying.  I went over and sat next to her and asked her what was wrong.

See, I'm not a complete ass.  Really, I'm not.  At least not all the time.

She spilled with the details, at least all she knew at the time, there's more to come later.  She told me that her dad, Big R (remember, the man who could crush me with a twitch and probably wanted to) and her mom had been fighting really badly.  Screaming about hating each other and the D word was being thrown about liberally. 

I'm going to interject here with some details for those of you unfamiliar with Mormons.  The D-word, Divorce, isn't something easy for Mormons to undertake, especially if the couple in question has been married in the temple.  For Mormons that's called Sealing, and when you're sealed to someone it means that you, as a pair (and sometimes more than a pair, but we'll get to that another day), and your children born into the sealing, or sealed with you, all get the same promise of eternal life in the highest level of heaven – the Celestial Kingdom.  Other details include the magic underwear (temple garments) and the rituals which are both secret and sacred, but Mormons often like to toss those two words about as if they mean the same thing.

To tear a family asunder through divorce is pretty major, since an earthly divorce does not cancel out that holy ceremony and due to the peculiarities of belief in the LDS faith, women are bound to their husbands in an odd ownership-type relationship, so a sealed woman can still conceivably be called out in the afterlife and have to go with her earthly husband even if they divorced and even if they both remarried on earth.  Okay, aside over, back to the story.

Lisa was clearly distraught.  So we talked for a long time.  She wasn't mad at me about Mandy any longer, although she did think that I needed to be forgiven by the bishop for having sexual relations.  I never told her that I'd 'done the deed' with Mandy, but she assumed correctly it seems. 

It was getting dark and my dad got home, and then there was the danger of Big R looking for Lisa, finding her over in my yard, and then killing me brutally.  Lisa was uncomfortable with my dad's tight-lipped anger – see my dad had the amazing ability to be truly two-faced.  He could look at Lisa and smile and attempt a lame Mormon joke about some church thing, then turn to me with tight-lipped rage and a voice that came through clenched teeth like the hollow sound of the truly possessed, then switch back again.  I can't do it . . . I've tried.  If I could, I know I could truly inspire fear in my kids, instead of the laughter I get when I try.

Because she was uncomfortable and I was afraid of her dad and mine, we decided she should leave.  But, before she did she whispered in my ear, “I might decide to visit your tent tonight after midnight.”

Now what do I do?  Well, a smart boy would've told her not to.  A smart boy would've realized the dangers that course of action could lead to. 

But we aren't talking about a smart boy.  We're talking about me.

Remember the description of wolverines? Well, I was in as much danger as if I'd stepped on a wolverine's tail.

Of course I met Lisa in the tent that night.  I snuck out of my basement bedroom window and there she was waiting for me.  What we did that night can only really be described as the Mormon Hump.  What that means is an intense make-out session, complete with heavy petting where everything that can be done with your clothes still on is done.  It's a regular thing engaged in by good Mormon kids and I'm not really sure the point, but it's a lot of fun, a bit frustrating, and leaves the two kids with their chastity intact but their imaginations with nothing left to wonder about. After several hours of that, she left and I went back into the house.

To this day I think I was just a way for her to forget about her parent's problems for a little while. Back then I was a teenager and didn't think too much into it.  It was just the Mormon Hump to me.

The great thing was we weren't caught, so I got to live long enough to get to the High Adventure.  And on that hike, I really did come face to face with a wolverine.  It was about 40 feet from me as I rounded a switchback bend.  It was feeding on something and it hissed at me.  I back up, it didn't follow, and the rest of the troop and I decided to have our morning snack early a quarter mile back up the trail.  When we started down again, the wolverine was gone and only a bloodstain and some fur remained from whatever it had killed.

I really was pushing my luck in that Boy Scout Summer.

rick, a wandering fool

Next episode:  Cold Lake.

The first episode:  My Boy Scout Summer

Comments

[a rose is a rose]

so marie osmond is really only married to her FIRST husband?

even if visiting you was only a way to ease lisa's pain about her parents you have to remember rick, she DID choose YOU. she chose YOU to talk to as well.

why ever was your dad angry about lisa being in the yard? or - was he just angry in general?

did you have any NON-mormon friends as a youngster and teenager?

[CV Rick]

I believe that is true, Rose. Unless there's some sacred, Holy divorce that Marie Osmond went through. And about my dad, I don't really remember why he was angry, just that he was always angry at me and his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde two-faced anger would freak out everyone I knew.

During My Boy Scout Summer, I had very few non-Mormon friends. My father had retired from the military and moved to a town in Southeastern Idaho. In the first place, there weren't many non-Mormons in the town and in the second place, we were in church or in church activities no less than 17 hours a week. Non-Mormon friends were at school, and I haven't started any of those stories yet.

[a rose is a rose]

i DO want some magic underwear though

[Graeme]

I think you just coined the phrase "mormon hump"

[Cherise]

LOL! Mormon Hump? That is awesome. What the hell are magic underwear?

[Sister Mary Lisa]

Yep, that tight-lipped anger was what we referred to as "Dad losing his lips" and that voice!! (I just shivered) Oh. My. God. It is scary. My dad actually used that fucking voice last time he came to my house...

I first engaged in the Mormon Hump at BYU, although we called it NCMO then...(Non-Committal Make-Out). Good times, good times. There really IS something about kissing while in a horizontal position that is dangerous to one's virtue.

Can't wait for the Cold Lake installment of your memoirs. Great stuff here.

[Success Warrior]

Cherise,

The magic underwear allow you to get into the highest level of heaven. Well those, plus a password, a secret handshake, and 10% of everything you make, will get you into the highest level of heaven.

[CV Rick]

That's if the man who owns you calls you out from among the choices.

I don't think I coined the "Mormon Hump," it seems too common - like I pulled it from memory rather than imagination.

Believe it or not people, I'm trying to not go into a direct attack against the Mormon Church. I don't care what kind of freaky things people want to believe, so long as they don't try to force their beliefs on me via legislation. I'm not a Mormon, but I was raised that way, so it's Mormon freaky beliefs with which I'm most familiar - that doesn't mean that their beliefs are more freaky than other religions. For me they're all pretty much a crock of shit. Like Tim says, "It must be nice to have someone else to blame your problems on." That's what religion is to me.

[CV Rick]

SML, virtue is over-rated if you ask me.

[Cherise]

Who'd a thunk it that my panities would be my ticket to heaven. Do you think God has a preference on the style color and material of the panty? ;)