Views on Money

Over on Success Warrior's blog, he made a post about how people view money.  This is something I have considerable experience with. 

Nothing causes friction in my household more than money, specifically because of the different way we perceive the subject. 

I grew up in an unlucky home  Well, that's not precisely true.  It wasn't unlucky so much as poorly managed, but the idea is that we never had any money.  My father has the poorest money management philosophy I've ever seen - it's something like this:  "Hey there's twenty dollars in my wallet, let's spend it." 

My mother developed intricate money-hiding techniques which included weird chipmunk-like behavior with little stashes all over the house and small bank accounts opened at various banks for specific purposes - Christmas account, car insurance account, summer vacation trip account, etc.

My father treated each of these hidden stashes as a treasure hunt.  When he found a rolled up wad of tens or twenties, he'd run off to buy fishing supplies or tools.  My mother would fight with him, then not speak to him for several days.  He thought it was a game.  She thought it was him tearing down our lives.

Because of this odd behavior, we never had any savings or emergency money.  When something went wrong it devastated my parents, who were never prepared for it.  Since my father had never learned how to manage money, he was always scrambling to work part-time jobs or do strange money-making schemes like Amway or "investment sales" or pyramid schemes of one sort or another.  All these things ever did was put us farther in debt, since the start-up costs always exceeded the revenue and we'd end up with closets full of unsellable crap.  Whenever my father would go about starting one of his schemes, my mother would put her foot down and then they'd fight and he'd accuse her of not wanting to leap ahead to financial freedom.  She'd relent, he'd fail, and we'd go back to the "searching for riches" point in the Circle of Financial Failure.

When he retired from the Air Force, he purchased a radio/television repair shop.  This was in the mid-80's.  Remember?  Right when Japan began producing televisions and radios at throw-away prices.  Yeah, not a smart move.  So, he augmented this shop with a big push into retail sales.  A small specialty shop in a small town in Idaho just when the big-box stores were taking over with high volume and cheap prices.  Great timing.  Seeing this turn of fortune, he turned half the shop into a video rental store - NEW Movies!   Now this could've been a great move, since this was before Blockbuster and long before Netflix had been any kind of a possibility.  It would've succeeded if not for two choices.  #1 - No adult movies.  No R ratings, no adult themes.  He wanted a family-oriented, Mormon friendly store.  This in and of itself might not have sunk this business, because niche-rental and family friendly can always work.  But combined with mistake #2 there was no chance - - what was that mistake?  Betamax!  Yeah, he gambled that the format would carry the day and refused to carry VHS because he thought more movies was better than more formats.

He lost the business, bankrupted spectacularly.  The bank foreclosed on the house, and it was another grand chapter in money management.

Like I said, I grew up in an unlucky home.

My girlfriend lived a more normal life, with respect to money.  They had good times and bad, like everyone, but few spectacular spirals into financial failure.  She always lived in a house that her parents owned, and they always had money for food and clothes.  That's not to say we weren't fed, but there were times when 'free lunch' at school was the only time I got full.

So, money scares me.  I want to have enough, I want to live within our means, I want to always have 6 months reserve in savings, and I want to feel fortunate rather than expectant or desperate when extra comes in.  My girlfriend views money as more of a commodity and believes that she'll just be able to make more when she needs it.  Her way is a lot more risky and less secure, which isn't to say it hasn't worked for her, but it makes me crazy.  I just can't stand not knowing that everything's always covered.

So, we've fought about it, and we've lost sleep over it, and life goes on. 

- rick the cautious

Comments

[Success Warrior]

I am probably the freer spender in my marriage but we're on a mission. =)

[mark]

well even if you don't want the comment you'll get it!

IF you want to hear a finacial nightmare...have your g-ma in a nursing home for over a year and a half and have her run out of money, so your uncle is starting to look into selling off her assets (including the farm you grew up on and the one your father and brother make a living off of) and not selling off things that directly affect him. All the time while your own father is in denial and doesn't want to accept his mother is 97 and can't take care of herself and won't stand up to his younger brother for some odd reason. All the more reason to set your finances in order and have the money you need for when you are old.

[Success Warrior]

Mark,

That's a rough situation and you make a great point. Life is financially unpredictable and we should try to get into a position of strength when things are going well.

[CV Rick]

okay, Mark. you win.

[a rose is a rose]

i think we all have a story or two here.

rick, don't fight about money though. if you have a roof and food and warmth for today AND tomorrow, that is good enough

[John]

I hear ya man. I hate spending money. Anything over $100 and I get nervous at least in the discretionary stuff. Pair that with Jacob's push for "the best quality item we can afford" and I'm a nervous wreck sometimes.

[The Angry Young Man]

I like spending money. It's fun! Yay!!!

[Sister Mary Lisa]

OK, Rick. Obviously I'm reading through your entire archives. This post made me know we are kindred spirits, or at least fellow veterans of a different kind of war. I think our dads are brothers or something.

We were always hard up for money. I understand fully the free lunch thing...but only because my dad FINALLY relented to allow it after my mom threatened divorce (again) and I was already a junior in high school. Before that, his pride got in the way and we lived on big No. 10 cans of welfare peanut butter. I hate PB&J to this day.

And my dad was too goddamned lazy to work at schemes. Proud and lazy and 8 kids is a terrible combination for someone like him. Our saving grace was my mom, who was a great cook on a pitiful budget.

My dad also has this weird compulsive behavior (I just know they will diagnose it someday if they haven't already) where he just has to buy the sale item in bulk, whether he needs it or not, and save them in piles of sacks that line his dining room, bedroom, office, kitchen. His purchases are EVERYWHERE...such as four identical computer webcams, or 3 identical DVD players, or 10 packages of day-after-Easter chocolate candies. It's so bad that he sleeps on one side of his bed (in a sleeping bag on top of his bedding) in a spot narrower than a cot beside a four foot high stack of boxes and sacks of things he's bought and saved on the other half of his bed.

We could share some stories.

Have you ever read the story "The Rocking Horse Winner"? It's awesome and describes the feeling of being in a home with no money very well.

[CV Rick]

We should share some stories . . . A back and forth of growing up MWoM (Mormon without Money) would make for some bittersweet reading.

[Sister Mary Lisa]

I'd be open to that. I have been afraid to actually write a blog post about my dad's eccentricities (nice word, huh?)..but I'm afraid once I open the floodgates I won't be able to stop spewing forth about him. Ugh.

[CV Rick]

We'll make it a regular, once a week or once every two weeks feature. We can coordinate via email.

[Sister Mary Lisa]

That sounds awesome. I tend to write my best when I'm being prompted by someone or when I'm doing it for a goal to be met. We can coordinate via email and make it a fun game of reminiscing. It seems like when I read your stories, they unlock memories for me that I haven't consciously thought of in ages. I'd say thanks, but I don't know...some of the memories are painful at best. This could become very interesting.